Tag Archives: resilience

How to Be Resilient During the Holidays

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Posted in Psychology Today November 5, 2015 Coping abilities are challenged during the holidays. It can be an emotional time, a stressful time. In my practice I frequently encounter clients bracing themselves; whether it’s about their encounters with family, the cost of gifts and other financial crunches, the pressures of advertisers or simply the awareness […]

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Your Responsibility for Good Relationships

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Ultimately, it is your responsibility for good relationships. “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Maya Angelou Relationships are a two-way street, just as there are two directions in which energy can flow. Let’s continue with this […]

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Evolutionary Mismatch: How to Redesign your stress response to fit 21st century demands

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Posted in Psychology Today August 17, 2015 We often refer to our stress response as our “fight-or-flight” response. This means we prepare for a threat by getting our bodies ready to either fight or run from the danger. For years, professionals have accepted this theory. We teach our clients to be in accord with this biological and survival mechanism, […]

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Relationships with Others

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Relationships with others begins in the mirror. Many years ago Paul Simon wrote the classic song “I Am a Rock.” “I am a rock; I am an Island. And a rock feels no pain, and an island never cries.” Despite Mr. Simon’s wishful thinking, few of us live on an island. And we certainly aren’t […]

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Setting Boundaries with Yourself

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  Another aspect to developing and maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself is being responsible and setting appropriate boundaries. There needs to be a counterbalancing force to acceptance. If you think of a parent dealing with his or her children (or you, dealing with one of you children), you can’t be only accepting. You know […]

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The Path of Optimal Living

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Posted in Psychology Today July 20, 2015   After over 35 years studying the field of stress and resilience, my goal has been to define resilience in the broadest possible terms. This notion began when I realized, early in my career, that stress is one of the most important modulators of our behavior, performance, moods and physical health. Given its […]

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Key Ingredients for a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

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What are the most important factors in establishing and maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself? We often hear it said that it’s impossible to love someone if you don’t first love yourself. There is definitely some truth to this statement. In fact, love and acceptance are at the heart of a good relationship with yourself. […]

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Self-Sabotage or Self-Love

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Is it self-sabotage or self-love? In over 30 years as a therapist I have marveled at the effort my clients make to change and to grow. These efforts include trying new and difficult behaviors, dealing with their painful emotions and asserting themselves in their relationships. I see people struggle to free them¬selves from the controlling […]

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Neurogenesis and Resilience

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I have defined resilience from many different perspectives thus far: It’s the ability to bounce back; it’s optimal self-regulation and adaptability; it’s being aware or awake for as many moments in your life as possible. Here is another aspect of resilience: It’s the optimal birthing of new nerve cells, or brain cells. Using words such […]

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Ignoring Feelings Makes Us Numb

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If you have found ways of ignoring feelings—and we all do this—then a likely consequence is that, to some extent, you have numbed yourself. You see, you are not able to selectively make yourself unaware of only negative feelings! When you depress or push down your anger, or unconsciously engage in shallow breathing to numb […]

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If Our Stress Response is Good, More is Better

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If our stress response is good, then more stress is better. There are many ways that your stress response serves you, mobilizes you to take action, helps you focus and be more motivated. It enhance performance. There is great reluctance, therefore, to set any limit on something you feel is helpful or needed. Thus, the […]

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Why We Crave Stress Like a Drug

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When you start out training to become a psychologist, you take many courses focused on theories about behavior. One of the first lessons is that behavior that is reinforced will be strengthened and continued, while behavior that isn’t reinforced or that is negatively reinforced will be extinguished. In other words, it will be less and […]

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